What they really mean

Today at the climate talks in Montreal, the International Chamber of Commerce (the 'World's Business Organisation') held a press conference to explain the business position going forward. We took it upon ourselves to explain in clearer English what they actually mean in their statements with the occassional pop-culture reference to the cult film The Matrix to boot. Here's a quick run-through of a few choice quotes from their most recent list of demands to governments:

"Engage broad international participation to address risks effectively."
translation: Involve the most disruptive countries so we can be sure it takes forever to get anywhere and we annoy everyone in the process smashing their hopes and dreams against the rocks of despair. Wee hee!

"Continue to pursue both voluntary and market-based approaches and engage capital markets."
translation: Don't unplug the Matrix! Regulate us at your own peril humans!

"Encourage utilization of the full-range of energy options."
translation: Nukes are da bomb, yo!

"Address adaptation needs particularly in developing countries."
translation: ...because WE'RE not going to foot the bill.

"Stimulate the broader use of existing efficient technologies, and support research, development and global deployment of new technologies in all sectors."
translation: Give us your lunch money!

"With more than 8,000 member companies from every sector in over 140 countries, ICC the world business organization, is the largest, most representative private-sector association in the world."
translation: Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability.

"Business representatives have been present throughout COP-11, engaging government delegates and other participants on climate-related issues and the need for long-term solutions."
translation: Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call when you are unable to speak?