The message is simple: if we want to stop climate change, we need to just STOP! Here’s my five-point plan to save the planet from climate change: A ban on all motorised transport We must only travel using human-powered vehicles. It’s a small world - and it will feel like it when travelling more than 20 miles becomes impractical. A ban on all petro-chemical, poison-spraying agriculture All food should be locally grown and organic. Given that moving food any great distance without lorries will be extremely difficult, this will be a necessity anyway. Spreading insecticides and fertilisers to try to grow more stuff and to stop other creatures from eating it is simply unnatural. Let Gaia decide if we eat or not. A ban on all space heating In a properly insulated house, you should be able to keep warm just be eating, exercising and wrapping-up warm. So why do we need all those stupid, planet-scorching heaters? You will, of course, need heat for cooking. Lentils would be inedible otherwise, and that simply wouldn’t be practical. Restrictions on health care Hospitals, medicines, vaccinations all put a dreadful strain on the planet because they only encourage people to live longer than they would otherwise do if nature took its course. As a result, a number of important organisms have been all but wiped out; smallpox is a good example. The longer people hang around on this mortal coil, the more of them there are to feed, clothe, educate, transport. If we must have medical care, I would introduce a ‘three strikes and you’re out’ system. The best way to reduce the nation’s carbon footprint is to have fewer footprints. Point 3 should really help with the old people, but we may need to consider enforced euthanasia at some point. Reducing the number of children born As I’ve noted before, having children is one of my biggest regrets, a selfish decision with negative consequences for the fragile web of life. I constantly remind my children that they are a terrible drain on the planet. Sometimes they cry. I think it’s good that they share Gaia’s pain. Following on from point 4, I would only allow one child per couple - good idea, China! But I’d go further than the Chinese have. I would only permit some, carefully selected couples to have a child - which would be taken at an early age to be raised in special eco-villages where they would learn to be the protectors of the planet - the Green Guards (another idea I’ve borrowed, sort of, from China). Current efforts to indoctrinate our children at school by force-feeding them green propaganda are very worthy but they really don’t go far enough. Ultimately, the world’s population must be reduced - by 5.9 billion. But the 100million left, devoid of cars, planes, heaters and fertilisers will be a much smaller burden on the planet. What a happy place it will be!